- Tom Mazawey (@TomMazawey) & Marc Fellhauer (@MarcFell) are here today!
- Jussie Smollett is free & something stinks, L. Brooks Patterson’s sad news, Wendy Williams off the wagon, Alex Jones laughed out of a restaurant, SF Giants president suspended even though it’s his phone, and a murder doesn’t ruin Maz’s Chicago trip.
- We start with the best Trent Bolte voice separated at birth.
- Jussie Smollett has his charges dropped and the case sealed. Jussie maintains his innocence while Chicago PD & the mayor held a press conference to call the deal a ‘whitewash of justice’.
- The Jeffrey Epstein case makes no sense & the judge overseeing the case died his way out of the situation.
- Empire is yet to be renewed for another season. Presumably so Fox can quietly distance itself from the mess. Plus, their ratings stink.
- L. Brooks Patterson announced he has stage 4 pancreatic cancer.
- Maz’s bracket is busted, but Gregg Nigl from Columbus managed to be the only person in the world with a perfect NCAA Tournament bracket.
- Evan got bounced from a plane for not having his baby’s birth certificate readily available while sitting in his seat on the plane.
- Maz tells us about his recent vacation in Chicago before going on Spring Break next week. A person was murdered near his hotel and while it was sad, its effect was minimal.
- Michael Avenatti is another case of NDAs being used to skirt the law.
- The asshole who beat a 78-year-old homeless woman on the subway has been charged while the people who stood by & filmed it have been receiving tons of views on WorldStar.
- Chris Pratt had to ask his ex-wife Anna Farris for permission to marry Katherine Schwarzenegger. Would Tom do the same?
- Alex Jones got laughed out of a restaurant by a bunch of ‘libtards’ filming in portrait, while Alex ranted & raved in landscape.
- A French Muslim group is suing Facebook & YouTube for allowing streams of the Christchurch massacre in New Zealand to be streamed live & shared.
- Tone Loc had to get held back by security after berating a mother & son over the kid’s Confederate flag hat.
- Danielle Bregoli celebrated her sweet 16 with a $50K Rolex while she played a show for a very engaged crowd in Europe.
- Breaking News: Jussie Smollett managed to snag 18 hours of community service retroactively.
- Maz & BranDon dreamweaver everybody with some fantasy baseball talk.
- Wendy Williams husband/manager having a baby with his mistress took her out of the sober house & put her in the hospital after a bit of over indulging.
- 8% of parents have given their kid under 18 a credit card in their name.
- Maz is gaining traction in the battle to get a ‘family’ car for Lily. We also learn that you can visit Maz at Szott Ford & borrow his car to run some errands.
- Gas station surveillance caught a guy trying to carjack some spring breakers with a gun before getting his ass beat.
- Nobody is in a big rush to fly on a Boeing 737 Max 8 after a bug in the anti-stall software that causes the plane to take a nosedive.
- Maz Jones formulates a conspiracy that Michelle Obama worked to get Jussie Smollett out of charges in Chicago.
- Larry Baer, the CEO of the San Francisco Giants, has been suspended for assault after trying to take his cell phone back from a very upset wife. He probably should’ve just Tom Brady’d the phone.
- A Playboy Playmate is claiming that ARod begged her for a threesome while engaged to JLo.
- Maz doubles down on his assertion that ARod has a secret concessions deal with the Yankees so we end up calling one of our New York contacts Zack Hample to see if he can corroborate Maz’s unlikely story.
- Maz Sequiturs- A license plate needs to be changed because EAT 69 was included in the tags, Maz can’t give away any free merch because he feels like Marc is holding him down.
- This week in Soft Rock- 73′ Jerry Garcia arrested for speeding on the NJ turnpike, 86′ Sammy Hagar plays his first show as lead singer of Van Halen, 91′ Donnie Wahlberg arrested for setting fires in a hotel, 95′ Elton John’s Can You Feel The Love won an Oscar and 15′ Willie Nelson announces his new cannabis brand.
“Don’t be a follower! Film in landscape!!” ©YouTube
Anything is allowed when you need to get your phone back. ©TMZ
That’s a lot of homers. ©Deadspin